


Different

by Maki_Jss



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22079926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maki_Jss/pseuds/Maki_Jss
Summary: Kim Wooseok and Cho Seungyoun grew up together as neighbors. Wooseok was "the bad kid who looked like a good kid," while Cho Seungyoun was "the good kid who looked like a bad kid." They parted before high school and met again in college. Things have changed. People have changed. How about feelings?
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Kim Wooseok | Wooshin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	Different

Kim Wooseok and Cho Seungyoun grew up together as neighbors. If one called the other from the balcony, the other would come out right away.

In terms of their personality, Kim Wooseok was "the bad kid who looked like a good kid," while Cho Seungyoun was "the good kid who looked like a bad kid." To explain, since Wooseok was cute and had good grades, he received a lot of love and appreciation from the elders in the neighborhood. However, only Seungyoun knew that Wooseok was quite a "devil." He was strong-headed, hating to lose, and moreover, he actually had a lot of strength, which one couldn't tell from his delicate appearance. Compared to him, Seungyoun was much taller, but his personality was much milder. He would always follow and listen to Wooseok and tolerate his low temper. However, because Seungyoun was not good at study, the elders didn't like him as much and thought that he was a problematic kid.

Wooseok was also popular at school because of his looks. Thus, other boys saw him as an enemy and always fought him because "apparently," he "stole" their girlfriends. However, those who started the fight would usually end up beaten by Wooseok within minutes, because Wooseok was surprisingly robust and good at fighting. Later on, boys from the upper class and even from outside their school would call on and challenge Wooseok, but none of them ever won.

Wooseok felt strange though, he never really cared about girls who flattered around him, but why was he always the target? But at the same time, he didn't mind engaging in another fight because he was easily agitated and somehow enjoyed the feeling of winning a battle. Of course, Seungyoun would accompany him during those fights. Wooseok needed him to scare people away in the beginning since he's taller and stronger. But after that, Wooseok would take the initiative and do the punching and kicking part. He was small and flexible, so the enemy could hardly catch him, and then he would just give a fatal attack when the other was not aware. If there were more people, Seungyoun would join the fight. But he usually ended up getting injured more than Wooseok because he was tall and clumsy. In the end, the two would assist each other to the school infirmary and sneak in to use the first aid kit. 

Because Wooseok's mom worked in another city and came home late, Wooseok would always have dinner at Seungyoun's house, which also ran a restaurant. Whenever Seungyoun's mom saw their injuries, she would blame Seungyoun only, since he had more bruises. "You are so weak!" Mrs. Cho would yell, "Why did you fight with others and get yourself injured, and even got Wooseok involved? You are not a good brother! You can't even protect Wooseok!"

Wooseok would hold his laugh behind Seungyoun whenever this happened. And Seungyoun would never argue with his mom but accept her assumption. He would just say, "Ok, ok. I will take care of my 'brother' in the future," even though he is only a few months older than Wooseok.

After dinner, Mrs. Cho would ask them to go upstairs and tell Wooseok to help Seungyoun with his homework. Seungyoun would roll his eyes because he knew Wooseok would just lie in his bed and read his manga. While Seungyoun was scratching his head, trying to figure out a math problem, Wooseok would laugh out loud at the manga. Well, if Seungyoun really asked for help, Wooseok would roll over and teach him though.

In the last year of junior high, Wooseok finally asked Seungyoun: "Why you never got angry with me?"

"Wow, I can't believe you actually just asked that," Seungyoun teased. But then Seungyoun thought for a while and couldn't provide an answer. He realized that he really had never been mad at Wooseok. Even when Wooseok used him as a human shield during fights, or never explained to his mom about who was the real "fighter" in the countless battles, Seungyoun was never mad. Instead, he actually thought it was fun. He would even secretly laugh at how stupid the adults were since they couldn't even tell the real personality of Wooseok, the little devil. 

Seungyoun wondered if he was too strange.

However, when Wooseok left his home that day, and when he saw the light of Wooseok's room lit up two minutes later, he somehow got a vague answer:

Because Wooseok had never left him alone, and never agreed to date any girl. And this made Seungyoun happy.

Seungyoun was astonished by this sudden realization. He was 15. And this made him clueless. It felt like something had just clicked in his head, but he didn't know exactly what it was.

Seungyoun and Wooseok eventually parted after junior high. Mrs. Cho's restaurant business got big, so she decided to move to Seoul to open a chain store. Wooseok stayed in the hometown and attended the best high school. On the day when Seungyoun's family was leaving, the two teenagers didn't seem too emotional. They were at an age when both thought they were grown-up men, so Wooseok simply said, "I will try to go to a university in Seoul then." And Seungyoun replied, "Three years will go by very fast. And I will come back and visit here sometime."

But in fact, Seungyoun never came back in the next three years. In the beginning, they would still chat online. But since sophomore year in high school, they just spontaneously stopped talking with each other because they lived far away and ran out of topic. For Seungyoun, high school in Seoul was so difficult; he was already stressed out by the school works, and then he even generated a new hobby in music. Hence, he needed to find time to hang out with some indie musicians whom he met through online forums.

Meanwhile, Wooseok had quite a peaceful high school life. Since everyone knew he was good at fighting, the boys who were jealous of him dared not to challenge him, even though their girlfriends just kept falling for Wooseok. Also, as kids become mature, they would not just beat someone because he was more good looking. However, classmates still wondered why Wooseok would never date a girl. Then there was a rumor that he had a girlfriend in Seoul, that's why he never laid an eye on the beautiful girls in the high school.

Wooseok heard about the rumor and laughed bitterly. He didn't have a "girlfriend" in Seoul; he just had a tall and clumsy pal who might have already forgotten about him.

Three years did go by very fast. And Wooseok got into a decent university in Seoul. When he received the letter of acceptance, the first thing he did was to check that old chatting software to find Seungyoun. However, the icon was grey and showing that he hadn't accessed it for a long time. He then asked his mom if she still had Mrs. Cho's contact information. His mom said no. "Businesspeople only care about money, not friendship," she sighed.

So Wooseok went to Seoul by himself. He quickly became popular in his university because, again, of his visuals. Every year, there is a contest among universities in Seoul to select the best-looking male student to become Mr. College. In Wooseok's freshman year, a girl who went to the same music club with him sent his information to the contest. Wooseok didn't pay attention to it until one day, he saw Seungyoun was also on the voting site.

It was an afternoon, Wooseok went to the music club room to get his guitar after class. As he was about to leave, the meddlesome girl stopped him.

"Hey, there is a new contestant who may be your strongest competitor," the girl said excitedly.

"What? You know, I don't really care." Wooseok said indifferently. Honestly, he thought he would win anyway, and if he lost eventually, it would only be because the winner was taller than him.

However, the girl just didn't let him leave as she grabs the belt of his guitar from the back, urging him to come to the computer and see this "competitor." Wooseok has muscular strength, but he would not be rude to girls, so he returned and gave a look at the computer screen.

_What the hell! Isn't this Cho Seungyoun?_

_How come he is so handsome now?_

Well, Wooseok didn't mean that Seungyoun was not good-looking. But in his memory, the tall and clumsy guy next door had never been handsome enough to join a competition like this (ok maybe he's mean)… Wooseok leaned closer to the screen to read his information, and his face was almost touching to the texts. The girl was surprised: "Wow, you are so worried now, huh? I told you he's going to be your biggest competitor!"

"Shut up. I just have bad eyesight, ok?" Wooseok lied since he had already read everything under that photo: _Cho Seungyoun, 19 years old, 182cm, 68kg, X University, Department of composing, likes soccer and manga._

Wooseok then looked at that face in the photo again. He kinda felt like something had changed, but not sure where. Also, what surprised him the most was that both of them ended up doing something about music now. Seungyoun was in composing, and Wooseok was in performing. 

Since both of them were attending this stupid contest with their photos online, Wooseok thought Seungyoun would finally see him. And he also wondered if Seungyoun would contact him soon. Although Wooseok could just go to X University to find him, based on his personality, he was not going to make the first move.

However, when this contest ended, and when Wooseok even became that year's Mr. College, he never heard from Seungyoun. Their old chatting software had already been replaced by the new social apps on smartphones, so he could not find Seungyoun online either. Wooseok sometimes looked at that grey icon of Seungyoun, it was still his favorite manga character when he was 14.

Well, he must have forgotten me already, Wooseok told himself.

*** 

There are definitely more girls pursuing Wooseok in university these days. However, he continues to reject every single one. While in middle school, his classmates would just say that he had a girlfriend in Seoul, now people would simply say he is gay. For some reason, later on, the entire department assumes that he likes men. Wooseok never explains anything because he thinks these people are stupid. He doesn't think he likes men. It's just because the people around him are mostly annoying and unattractive. He doesn't understand why girls must find a boyfriend. Are they not having fun in afterschool activities? Are their social media so dull that they cannot keep them busy? Are the _oppas_ in K-Dramas not handsome enough for them to fangirl about? As for the guys around him, the same. Why are they only talking about girls and sex every day? Is this the reason that people come to college? Girls finding boyfriends and boys finding girlfriends? As he wonders, he becomes so irritated and feels that everyone around him is just the same. Even though they look different, they share the same brain cell.

But of course, Wooseok has friends. As a visual center, everyone wants to hang out with him anyway. So during his freshman and sophomore years in college, he has visited all the chic cafes and shops in the city, enjoyed a stylish college life just like everyone else does in Seoul. And then, he gets bored.

He worked as a tutor for a while but then decided that he couldn't deal with teenagers. So he shifted to be a barista at a fashionable coffee shop. He earned more and also helped it gain a lot of loyal customers due to his face again. Sometimes Wooseok really wonders if his life is more relaxed than others since he has never experienced many difficulties growing up. He adapts to everything and everywhere quickly. The only downside is that some people may speak bad words behind him, but he's ok with that.

Since the coffeeshop is stylish and attracts a lot of young people, it is not really a surprise that one day, he meets Seungyoun, the actual person, here.

It is a Saturday afternoon, Wooseok works this shift because his "evil" boss thinks this is the high time to attract more girls to the place. Yet for Wooseok, this is just going to be another exhausting afternoon taking orders, making drinks, and bringing them out to the counter. If it's not for the doubled paycheck, he's not going to do this.

"I want four iced Americano, one with 4 shots, and the others are regular." A man's voice sounds.

"Ok, four iced Americano, one 4 shots, three regular." A barista repeats and passes the order to Wooseok, who is making drinks in the back.

Wooseok has some weird assumption of people who order "4 shots." They are either acting cool or actually pretentious. Well, he's only a barista, so it's not his turn to judge customers. But as he gets bored doing the same work day after day, he has cultivated this habit to categorize people based on their orders, secretly.

He finishes making the four drinks and bringing them to the waiting counter. Usually, he would just say "have a nice day" without even look at the customer, but for some reason, this time he feels some pressure from the tall guy in front of him, so he looks up. 

And then the air stills in the middle of the crowded coffee shop on a Saturday afternoon.

"Wooseok?"

"Seungyoun?"

They call each other's names simultaneously.

"Oh my god! Kim Wooseok! How come you are here?" Seungyoun yells in excitement.

"You mean I can't?" Wooseok replies, coldly as usual.

"No! I mean, how come you are in Seoul! Gosh, we haven't seen each other forever!" Seungyoun says while taking the four drinks, and then he starts to scan Wooseok from top-down.

Wooseok doesn't like to be examined like this, and he also doesn't like to be the center of attention. However, since Seungyoun was loud, he notices some people are looking this way. So he tilts his head and mutters, "I said before I might go to a university in Seoul."

"Oh! Yea! So which university are you attending now?" Seungyoun asks.

"J University." Wooseok answers. It's just a block away from X University, but how come they haven't met each other for almost three years? He also wonders.

"So we are close!" Seungyoun continues to wow, "How come you never told me you were here?" However, after saying this, he suddenly senses something, so he immediately changes, "Well, it's my fault. I became so busy since I came to Seoul, and I didn't even find time to go back to my hometown even once. I'm so sorry!"

Wooseok was about to get mad when Seungyoun asked why he didn't contact. But after the taller man's quick rectification, Wooseok decides to forgive him for now.

But it doesn't matter whether he forgives Seungyoun or not, right? Wooseok looks at two other men and a woman who came in with Seungyoun and thinks: he already has new friends, he doesn't need me anymore.

The three friends of Seungyoun now become curious. They ask him who this handsome friend is, and Seungyoun tells them he's a friend from hometown. Then, they also start glaring at Wooseok, just like what Seungyoun did just now. Wooseok feels awkward, but thankfully he can get back to work. Meanwhile, the group of four leave the counter and find a table. 

Wooseok finally has a chance to sigh. _What the hell? Isn't Cho Seungyoun an average, everyday college student? Why does he look like he's so popular now? Isn't he just becoming a little more handsome and taller than before? Why is he acting all cool and chill with others and even forgetting about me in the hometown? It was Cho Seungyoun who first disappeared, and just now, he wanted to blame me for not contacting him first?_

Wooseok pouts as he ruminates his short conversation with Seungyoun. And suddenly he is hit by an empty bottle from his boss. The boss is actually a nice and outgoing man who likes to joke around, so it doesn't matter that Wooseok sometimes gets too casual with him. The boss says to him half-jokingly, "It would be nice if you could smile more. Always showing a resting bitch face is not good for someone at a service position, you know… Well, you need to be grateful that you have a handsome face; otherwise, people will complain..."

"Ok! I know! I know." Wooseok runs back to the order counter. However, he still feels a little defensive after seeing Seungyoun just now.

Meanwhile, Seungyoun actually sees the entire scene happening at the counter between Wooseok and his boss. He watches Wooseok's expression while sipping on his iced Americano with 4 shots. When the boss hits him with a bottle, Seungyoun actually bursts out laughing because it reminds him of Wooseok in middle school. One time, the math teacher hit Wooseok with chalk because Wooseok was chatting with his deskmate. Wooseok immediately got so mad and wanted to throw that chalk back at the teacher. It was Seungyoun who pulled Wooseok's clothes from the back to eventually make him sit down again. But now look at him, being all cute with that pouty mouth.

The people who come with Seungyoun are his bandmates. The girl is a keyboardist, one guy plays bass, and the other plays drums. The girl is clearly interested in good-looking guys, so she asks Seungyoun about Wooseok. And Seungyoun replies, "Don't believe in his angelic face. He bites."

Wooseok is still busy taking orders and making drinks. However, he finds himself constantly peeking at the table where Seungyoun and his friends are sitting. Are they classmates? How close are they? Are they talking about me? Is that girl his girlfriend? Actually, even though Wooseok wears glasses today, he still cannot see that table clearly. This makes him even more anxious and wanders further. For example, did Seungyoun order that 4 shots? If so, then he is definitely acting cool and pretentious. As he thinks about this, he laughs. However, he is again caught by the boss, who scolds him for being absent-minded.

Another hour has passed, Wooseok finally has a mini-break. He pulls off his apron and about to open the staff room yet is called by his boss again.

"Yes?" He immediately turns around, seeing his boss pointing him to a guy—Cho Seungyoun.

"Do you have time tonight? How about we have dinner together?" Seungyoun asks while giving him a napkin with his number on it.

_What the heck?_ Wooseok looks around and finds all his colleagues looking at him as if he's been accosted. He grabs that napkin quickly and says, "I'm off at 7:30. Are you ok with that time?"

"Sure. I'll just walk around the shopping mall and wait for you." Seungyoun says softly. 

Wooseok thinks he just blushed due to this awkwardness, so he whispers, "I'll contact you when I'm done" and runs into the staff room without looking at Seungyoun again.

"Hey Seok, that was my first time seeing you that shy!" a colleague who's gay walks in after Wooseok and comments.

"He's my childhood friend. I was just surprised to see him again." Wooseok explains.

"Don't fool yourself. I've never seen you blush in front of anyone. Did you have a crush on him before?"

"Hell no!" Wooseok shouts, "When I was running around beating some losers, he was the one who took care of my schoolbag." Wooseok says boastfully.

"Ok, ok. But you never know!" The colleague continues to tease, "And I think he may have some feelings for you still. But he looks like a playboy. Hmmm I don't know. Maybe you can ask him if he's single when you guys have dinner later?"

"Well, if you are interested in him, I can ask for you." Wooseok rolls his eyes.

"Really? That'd be nice, too. I'm so freaking single now. Ask him if he likes guys, ok?" The colleague winks.

Wooseok sighs, so that's it. Everyone in this world, no matter male or female, gay or straight, they all want love, huh?

***

When Wooseok finishes his shift, it is already 7:40pm. He pulls out that wrinkled napkin from his pocket and calls the number, somehow nervously.

"You're done?" Without Wooseok even saying a word, the voice on the phone speaks, as if Seungyoun already knows this is Wooseok's number.

"Yea… but how do you know this is me?"

"I'm outside. Just look at your 4 o'clock direction."

Wooseok raises his head and looks around.

"No, silly boy. You are looking at 2 o'clock." Seungyoun laughs on the phone.

And this makes Wooseok impatient, so he hangs up and walks out of the coffee shop to search for Seungyoun. All of a sudden, he feels some weight pressing on his shoulder and almost making him trip on himself. Next, a gentle voice goes into his ear, "You've had a long day."

Wooseok is startled about such intimacy, and he pushes the man away before even making sure that it is Seungyoun. Now Seungyoun, who has been hit by Wooseok's powerful arms, is holding himself two meters away and whines, "How come you are still this strong? You powerful shortie!"

"What? Ask yourself! You scared me!" Wooseok yells back. In fact, he feels a little sorry for using too much strength in that push, but he's too embarrassed to apologize for that.

"It's ok. I owe you for not contacting you all these years. And now I'm going to treat you with a good meal. How's that sound?" Seungyoun walks closer and naturally surrounds his arm around Wooseok's shoulder, leading him to walk.

In Wooseok's memory, the last time when they were this close was perhaps after the final "battle" in junior high. That day, they just finished their last exam before the real important high school entrance exam. Everyone was tired, but Wooseok was feeling more irritated because of all the stress accumulated for the upcoming final. So he dragged Seungyoun out of his seat and ran downstairs to find the punks who warned him a day ago that they would "give him a final lesson." 

Seungyoun was all worried on the way to the designated place and reminded Wooseok not to hurt himself since the vital exam was coming soon. Wooseok laughed at him for being a coward living in such a tall body. But then he said understandably, "Fine. I know. And you will just watch for my bags."

Obviously, Seungyoun ended up engaging in the fight as well. Even today, Wooseok still thinks it was not necessary because there were just two people, and he could totally handle them with ease. But at one point when he was on the ground hit by two people, Seungyoun suddenly ran toward them and used his schoolbag to give that bigger boy's head a hard beat. The big guy bled immediately and ran away, screaming. However, the other guy decided to grab a tree branch from god knows where and whipped Seungyoun several times before running away with his brother.

Wooseok was still on the ground when they left, but he couldn't help but laugh hysterically at the scene. Seungyoun was hugging himself a few meters away, looking all hurt and in pain since his brows and eyes were squeezing together. However, he managed to get closer to Wooseok and asked, "Are you ok? Are you in pain?"

Wooseok shook his head and stood up. He patted the muds on his clothes and said to Seungyoun: "See, I'm all right. Actually, I didn't do anything today. It's all your credit."

Seungyoun's expression soothed as he saw Wooseok was alright. And then he started his regular whining. In fact, whenever he got hurt from a fight, he would whine to Wooseok, saying that it pained so much, that he's about to die, call the ambulance and stuff. And then Wooseok would smile and put the taller man's arm on his shoulder, leading him to the infirmary of their school, which would already be closed, but they could always find a way to break in.

When then got home that day, since Wooseok was the one who injured less, Seungyoun was again being scolded by his mother for not setting a good role model for his "little brother." And then Seungyoun stayed silent and accepted everything. However, when his mother left, he gave Wooseok a look that the shorter thought he would never forget in his lifetime. Because Seungyoun looked so wronged and cute, just like a golden retriever. Wooseok suddenly wanted to rub his hair badly, but damn, Seungyoun was too tall, and he couldn't reach him.

"Why are you so quiet?" As Wooseok immerses himself in memory, Seungyoun's voice whispers by his ears.

"Me? I was just… thinking about stuff." Wooseok answers hurriedly. He looks at Seungyoun and cannot believe that this fresh-looking and handsome guy is the same person who accompanied him to numerous "battles" and who voluntarily became his scapegoat again and again. And then this guy talks again: "You know, I'm really sorry for not contacting you. I got into a band after college, and we were signed to a small performance company. I had little time to do other things, even contacting my parents…"

"It's ok. I didn't expect you to find me anyway," Wooseok lies. He is still being held by Seungyoun's arm. Although it kinda feels like when they were young, the intention is quite different now. At least Seungyoun is trying to indicate that they are still friends, right? Wooseok wonders internally.

"So, what's your major?" Seungyoun asks.

"Music performance." Wooseok answers.

"Really? I'm in…"

"I know. You are in the composing department at X University." Wooseok cuts him off.

Seungyoun looks surprised, "How did you know?"

"Didn't you participate in that Mr. College contest a few years ago? I saw your profile on the website. Oh, talking about this! Didn't you see me? I was the champion! The champion, ok???" Wooseok suddenly gets mad and throws Seungyoun's arm, looking at him seriously in the eyes.

"Wait, what?" Seungyoun seems totally lost, and after contemplating for a few seconds, he finally recalls, "Ohhhh, I remember now! My friend signed up for me, and I didn't pay attention to it at all. They just asked for online voting, right? So I guess I didn't win and no one ever updated me with anything… But hey, you won? Well, I'm not surprised. People like your kind." Seungyoun rubs his subtly curved hair and smiles apologetically.

Wooseok observes Seungyoun, who is standing under a streetlamp in front of him. It's already December, but he's only wearing a cardigan jacket, black jeans, and Converse shoes. He's also wearing a pair of black-framed glasses, which makes him look like a Brit-pop artist or something. Now Wooseok thinks Seungyoun actually doesn't change at all. He is still the kind of person who tries to be lowkey but would still catch people's attention anyway.

"Yea, I won," Wooseok repeats, "But I didn't get anything. They just did an interview with me and posted it online. But I thought you'd find me on that website since you also participated…" As he speaks, his voice lowers down because he didn't plan to say the last part, but he just couldn't help but express his disappointment.

"Ah, I'm so so sorry!" Seungyoun walks closer to him again, "I thought it was just a competition held by those gossipy girls, so I didn't pay attention. If only I saw you were there, I'd definitely go find you! And our universities are actually so close! And also… I know Wooseok you would not come to find me first…" Seungyoun says with a slight grin on his face.

Wooseok feels a little uncomfortable hearing this. Seungyoun was right. He was the one who saw Seungyoun first, but he didn't approach him afterward. What was he so arrogant about? Or afraid of?

As Wooseok condemns himself guiltily, he believes his face is quite red again. He doesn't know why it's just him meeting an old friend, why is his heart suddenly beating so fast? He then remembers the words from that colleague at the coffeeshop's staff room, and he realizes that he, too, is eager to ask Seungyoun that gossipy question.

"Hey, so Mr. College, you must be so popular now. Are there many girls pursuing you?" However, it is Seungyoun who asks the question that's been on Wooseok's mind.

"No!" Wooseok answers immediately out of habit because he's been asked the same question too many times.

Seungyoun gasps in disbelief, "How's that possible? You are Mr. College!"

"Stop using that title to tease me!" Wooseok protests, even though he was the one who talked about the contest first.

"How about before? How many girlfriends did you date since I left hometown?" Seungyoun sounds quite normal as if he's just curious.

"If I say zero, do you believe me?" Wooseok says.

Seungyoun thinks for a while and utters, "Yes, I believe you."

"Why?"

"Because you've been like this since you were young… I mean, I know you didn't like this kind of thing. I accompanied you to so many fights because the girls liked you and the boys were mad at you. But you actually never cared about the girls' favor." As Seungyoun recalls their past, Wooseok notices that he smiles beautifully and shows that crescent-like eyes. Wooseok peeks at this tall and handsome young man and thinks to himself, damn, he is so good-looking. How come I won the Mr. College? He should be the one with a lot of girls chasing him… At the same time, as Seungyoun talks about their past, Wooseok also feels satisfied because now he knows that Seungyoun hasn't forgotten those days at all.

"I… I've been single, too." Seungyoun suddenly says.

"What?" Wooseok is surprised, "not even once?"

"I mean, yea of course I've had girlfriends before. I had one when I first came to Seoul to attend high school. And the other one I had was during my freshman year in college. Actually, she signed me up for that… Mr. College contest, I believe…" Seungyoun grouches, "But I broke up with both of them very quickly, and then I just focused on study and now music. So you see, I've been quite single for a while now."

Not sure why, but Wooseok feels a little disappointed after hearing this. Actually, it should be normal for a guy in his age to date a girl or have multiple relationships already, not to mention it is someone like Seungyoun. However, what is this disappointment? Wooseok asks himself… or maybe, this is more like a sense of "betrayal"? Because just now, at one point, Wooseok was expecting something. He was hoping that Seungyoun would just like him, who has no feeling for love, or for being in a relationship. That way, he might feel that he's not that "strange" because his childhood best friend is still with him, understands him.

However, now Wooseok knows it is just himself overthinking. Is he too arrogant and doesn't care about anyone? Or is he having some mental issues? Why is he thinking that love is unnecessary?

Wooseok doesn't know what to say now, so he lets out a sigh.

"What's that sigh for?" Seungyoun questions, but then he sees that they are already outside the restaurant, "Here, this is the place I want to treat you dinner." He opens the door for Wooseok, letting him go inside first.

Wooseok walks in, it's just a chic restaurant preferred by college students. It is quite empty at this hour, and there is only some light guitar music in the background. In short, it's a comfortable place to have a long-needed chat.

Wooseok sits down, but his thoughts seem to still linger in the conversation they just had outside.

"You look tired. Don't push yourself too hard with part-time jobs," Seungyoun is so observant.

"I was just thinking, am I weird?" Wooseok doesn't reply to Seungyoun's concerns but continues his own.

"What? Why?"

"I mean… I don't think I need a girlfriend or need a relationship but…"

"But?" Seungyoun, who sits across the table, leans forward a little to try to hear Wooseok better. Wooseok now remembers that he has always been a good listener. In the past, when Wooseok got mad for the tiniest things, Seungyoun would always listen to his vent without judging him. 

"But… what you just told me… is making me a little disappointed…"

"Disappointed?" Seungyoun repeats the word and ruminates on it. Maybe he would feel better if Wooseok said "feeling lost;" however, he said, "disappointed."

"Yea. It's like, I thought you were my last hope, my life-saving straw. Yet you break it, telling me that you are also part of 'them,' you are different from me…" Wooseok pauses, "Sorry, I don't know if you understand what I mean, because I may not even understand myself..."

Seungyoun now sits back into his chair. He looks at Wooseok, who seems depressed and looks down. He can even see his eyelashes flickering anxiously. Suddenly, he realizes that Wooseok still cares. Even after all these years, Wooseok still relies on him, treating him as his last hope, hoping there is still some kind of unsaid consensus between them? 

Seungyoun feels his heart races.

In fact, he thought about why he was never mad at Wooseok even though the shorter would always force him to do things and test his patience. And one day, he apprehended that it was because Wooseok has never really been an annoyance, a bully, or a burden to him. Sometimes there was just no reason explaining why people were drawn to each other, right? Whenever he saw Wooseok carefully hid his true self and being real and reckless, he was actually having fun. He liked Wooseok being like that. Because different from him, who always considered things straight, Wooseok has more facets in his personality that make him mysterious and attractive. He is like a glass marble, shiny, transparent, but also with meaningful weight. It reflects all kinds of colors under the light which Seungyoun could never fully grasp but is drawn to them. 

So at some point, being with Wooseok every day, everywhere, had become his habit. He never felt that he was being used or bullied by Wooseok; instead, he enjoyed every moment with him. He enjoyed telling unimportant lies with him to their parents, enjoyed sneaking into the infirmary to treat their injuries, and enjoyed sharing secrets that only belonged to the two of them. 

But people are different. Even though Wooseok was not interested in love, Seungyoun couldn't say the same. Maybe just like Wooseok noted a while ago, he is still part of "them," the generic ones. He can't be as aloof as Wooseok, because he would fall for him when he spends more time with him. In fact, he had. 

So when Seungyoun's mother told him that they were moving to Seoul, he was somewhat relieved. It was a time when he seriously questioned his feeling for Wooseok and his sexuality. As a teenager, he was scared, he thought he had changed, changed to someone that Wooseok would definitely not like. Because he broke the rule of being "friends," he might never have the same mindset when being with Wooseok. Their relationship would never be the same, never be so pure and clear. 

_ Is "the Cho Seungyoun who is in love with Kim Wooseok" the same Cho Seungyoun, who is Kim Wooseok's best friend?  _ –This question lingered in his young mind night after night.

The night before Seungyoun left his hometown, he looked at the silhouette of Wooseok from his room window and shed a few tears. Indeed, Seungyoun had always been a crybaby. He would cry when Wooseok applied alcohol to clean his wounds after a fight. And then Wooseok would laugh at him and say: "How come you like to cry so much when you live in such a big body? Nobody's gonna believe that you are a crybaby." But even so, Wooseok would still carefully clean his cuts and comfort him gently. And Seungyoun was happy, because he would not show this side of him to others, except to Wooseok.

That's why he accepted a girl's pursuit in high school in Seoul. He wanted to make sure that he was the same Cho Seungyoun that Kim Wooseok would probably still like and still consider as a friend. He tried to date a girl and did all kinds of things that a couple would do, but in the end, he just felt bored and meaningless.

Why do people want this kind of "love"? Maybe for him, he just wants someone with whom he could feel comfortable with?

And when Seungyoun entered university, he dated another girl simply because he wanted to get along with the new people more quickly, and dating was the most natural way. Everyone did this upon entering university. Everyone was trying to end their singleness as soon as possible as if this was the only reason that they became a university student. However, for Seungyoun, nothing was more interesting than making music. And having a girlfriend actually added more tasks to his already hectic college life. So he initiated a breakup, saying that he could not return all the love that this girl had given to him. The girl then told him that love was not about "give and repay," but Seungyoun answered, "I know. But for you, I just want to pay everything back."

Because of this, he was called a "jerk" for one full semester in his department.

Of course, he knew that love was not about "give and repay." Because if possible, he'd like to do more things for Wooseok, more things to make him happy. He'd like to extend their childhood and youths and see how they would've become by now. He'd keep giving and never asking for any return.

_ Therefore, he would never be the one whom Wooseok would love, because what Wooseok wanted was "friendship," not "love." _

__

When Seungyoun finally talked himself out of this complicated feeling that had been troubling him for years, he decided to delve into music fully. And then he met the band members. Through music, he seemed to have found himself again. He did not become an annoying person because of his love for Wooseok; instead, it is because of Wooseok that he began to recognize himself and become a better self. Now he understands that "different" is normal, and "different" is the reason why he and Wooseok were such good friends.

However, Wooseok just appears in his life again without any notice. And just like him, Wooseok seems to be trapped in a labyrinth named "idealism" as well.

Seungyoun takes a sip of iced water in front of him and covers Wooseok's hands, which are also on the table. The chill immediately sends to Wooseok's fingers and to the tip of his heart. He looks into Seungyoun's eyes and suddenly feels foreign. Maybe he's so used to having Seungyoun behind him, and now, when they are face to face, it makes him nervous and weak.

"I think I understand you," Seungyoun utters, "You are worried that if I become different from you, that will make you become alone, right?" Noticing Wooseok's silence, Seungyoun continues tentatively, "However, it is actually normal that people are different from each other."

Wooseok pouts upon hearing this. Seungyoun observes him and secretly finding him super cute this way. How come? He's growing up, but becoming more and more lovely? However, he knows that he can't impose anything on Wooseok, because Wooseok may be shocked to know his true feelings, or love, for him.

So he proceeds: "Even though we have walked in different paths for a while, now we are converged again. We can be friends just like before. We both have updated our lives, become a little different, but that doesn't mean we are no longer 'we,' don't you think?"

Wooseok still keeps his head low, but now he feels his hands are getting warm because of Seungyoun's emotion, or maybe, he has just remembered how to make his disappointed heart beat more passionately again. 

He used to think that he's the brave kid who could protect the "coward" Seungyoun. But now, he suddenly feels that he is actually weak, not the kind of "weak" similar to useless, but a feeling of "weak" that makes him want to surrender and apologize. He wants to apologize to the younger Wooseok who was afraid of loneliness, apologize to the younger Wooseok who pretended to be stronger and braver than Seungyoun. Now, as he feels the warmth conveyed from Seungyoun's hands, for the first time, he realizes that it was Seungyoun's companionship, understanding, and generosity that made his younger self brave and happy. However, because of Seungyoun's leave, he couldn't find anyone to share his life in the same way, so he lost interest in people around him ever since. He has missed the days with Seungyoun being around but has no courage to tell him how much he needs him.

_ Kim Wooseok, you are the real coward. _

The ice cubes in their glasses begin to melt, making a crisp sound to their ears. Wooseok pulls his hands from Seungyoun's and then holds his instead. Yes, he is still the "powerful shortie," so he presses Seungyoun's hands firmly and realizes that those hands are still so small, not in proportion with his height at all.

"I think I may like you, Seungyoun. Shall we try dating? I still don't know what love is, but I figured that no one would provide me with an answer in this world, except you."

Wooseok knows how random this confession may sound, but he's been a weirdo for some time, so whatever. Also, besides Seungyoun, he really can't imagine anyone else who can make him feel comfortable even to make such a request. Thus, Wooseok finishes his words and looks up at Seungyoun's face. However, the moment their eyes meet, Wooseok can't help but chuckle--

He sees a face that he once thought he would never forget in his lifetime: a face that is just like a wronged golden retriever who's about to cry. And Wooseok is just eagerly wanting to pet this big puppy's head.

Thankfully, he can finally reach him this time.

Wooseok stands up from his seat, leans forward, and pats Seungyoun's head tenderly. He then sees Seungyoun's brows and eyes squeezing together, just like when he was wounded from a childish fight. Wooseok giggles again, "What? Did I frighten you? Well, I don't really know about love and stuff, you know?"

"You are such a little devil!" Seungyoun utters, using his gentle voice, which sounds more like a whine to Wooseok's ears. He then continues, "If I say I've been waiting for this moment for ten years, do you believe me?"

**Author's Note:**

> So this is also translated from my Chinese fic. I wrote it yesterday because I wanted to write sth for the New Year. It ended up being quite abstract... I hope this English version actually makes sense because there were a lot of nuances and thoughts that I found hard to translate. 😂  
> Anyways, thanks for reading. Happy New Year!


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